February 19, 2010

• A tale of a purse

  I've always known that I am a pack rat. A neat pack rat, but a pack rat all the same. So it comes as no surprise to me that DH always has some comment to make about my pseudo purse. What I carry day to day is more of a sack, a survival kit.  I only carry a "real" purse to those few fancy dancy mandatory attendance events where one is expected to air kiss and foo foo dance. I spend most of my time worried that I may have left some small essential home because of space limitations. I want it all. You never know what can happen. I may need that "fill in the blank".
  
  

  
  

  
  

  His main complaint, however, is not the size of my everyday sack but the weight of it all. I insist that it's not that bad. He insists that he would rather carry seven year old Mo up two flights of stairs in tack lined shoes with his feet on fire. Why?
  
  Recently, I needed to go to the local Police/Fire Station, simply a friendly visit to gather information. When I entered the building you would have thought I had attempted to board an airplane with a flare tied to my head. Traffic court (sic) whatever, must have been in session. "Need to pass through the security scan, Miss." What?  I was definitely headed away, far away from that section of the building. Didn't matter. Beefy 4 x 4 gal at the scanner was bored and was now branching out into new horizons. But who am I to argue with gun and a deep blue uniform. "Got any metal on ya?"  On me? No, not really. "In my purse/sack, maybe." I said.  "Put it on the belt and pass through. I did. No problem. It did and apparently it was the Millionth visitor to Disney World because every bell and whistle in the place went off. All that was missing was the fireworks. (But I guess the flare tied to my head was a good substitute). At this point 4 x 4's BFF, 2 x 8, came over to see who was passing out free donuts.
  
  "What's in the bag, Ma'am?" This guy had attended Joe Friday's School of Etiquette. They must have thought it was a bomb because Duffus One and Duffus Two actually handed back my bag and asked me to empty it.

  So I did.
  
  Keys    (house, car, other car, kid's car, dad's house, kid's house, camp, camper)

  Wallet (clutch type with all the money, plastic money, various OTC drugs, checkbook, pen, extra pen, appointment book,)

  Water bottle
  Sewing kit (Including scissors)
  Grocery list, still on it's pad
  Paperback
  Gloves
  GPS
  PDA
  Flashlight
  Collapsible umbrella (L L Bean)
  2 Granola Bars (was planning on visiting G'kids later)
  3 Bakagon

  still digging here and still no bomb

  Screw Driver (with the interchangeable bits)
  Camera...

  CAMERA!!  POTENTIAL LETHAL WEAPON?
  At this point 4 x 4 jumps in with:

  "Court's in session.”

  “You can take that with you if you promise to not take any pictures."
  
  And I hadn't even started on the side pockets where I keep the cell phone, batteries, Leatherman pocket tool, Swiss Army Knife (mine since I was a Girl Scout all those many years ago), Tums, hand sanitizer, Kleenex, and other incendiary devices.

  Turns out all my metal sharp pointy things were not a problem. The danger was that I might find a secret passage that leads back to the courtroom and take a picture of the judge picking his nose. Who Knew?

  Now I said all that, purely anecdotal by the way, to say this:
  
  I had decided to use DH's vehicle this past Monday evening mainly because he had left it in the driveway and rather than drive over the truck with my vehicle (which is not a tank by any stretch of the imagination) I happily appropriated Miss F-150 for my use. Went to my Guild meeting... added various and sundry items to my purse/sack to carry home from said Guild meeting.... Plopped my purse/sack into the front passenger side seat.... turned the key and Voila... the kind and gentle voice embedded in the dashboard informs me that the passenger side airbag has been switched off.
  
  Guess my bag is the size of a small child after all.
  
  I'm not vindictive.

  But I do have a Grandson and a Screwdriver.

  
  

  And this

  
  

  Could soon look like this

  
  

  That'll teach Miss F-150 to keep her yap shut.

   

  
  

  • 12:34 PM
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