May 6, 2013

• Disappearing Grill

  I spent the evening cleaning a disappearing grill.

  

  Last year was a real tough one. The result being that much of the batten down the hatches, it’s gonna be a rough winter got forgotten, set aside or completely ignored. Our grill fell into the completely ignored category. Unfortunately, ignoring did not improve the situation.  I love to grill. My philosophy is diametrically opposed to that of my H. I like it clean.. he likes it “flavored”. Really? Is that what you call it? I call it a inch of well seasoned grill grime. It was more than evident that H’s philosophy is winning.

  We paid what some would call good money; what I call BIG money on a nice stainless steel bodied appliance. In fact the outside was marvelous as I peeled away the grill cover. So far, so good. I gingerly lifted the lid to find the entire inside a nasty, dirty, grimy, black, sticky, gooey, glob of indescribable miserableness. It could have been worse. Something could have crawled up in there and died.. as happened last year. 

  Right then. May as well get at it. First I removed the grill racks. Did you know there’s a flat side and a pointed side to those grate bars. Made a mental note to put them back pointy side up instead of flat side up as they must have been for the last two years. Otherwise, not too bad; a bit rusted but if I rotate the worse to the least used end, I should get another year out of them. Onward and inward. As I began to slowly disassemble the “innards” I notice that bits and pieces were flaking away. In fact, as I attempted to remove the burner shields, they completely disintegrated into dust as I touched them. Completely, may be a bit of an exaggeration. After all, large chucks were being held together by mystery gloop.

  So now, I am faced with the incredible vanishing grill. I figure it will cost nearly as much to replace the innards as it would to buy a new grill. H pointed out later (much later, prudently waiting until I was no longer up to my elbows in goo AND out of arm’s reach of any sharp implements ) that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. The sloppy goo just had me skived. Noooo. Ya think; that wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that I vaguely remember eating food prepared on this very grill? Eh? After all, says he, the burners are stainless and in perfect shape.. It’s only the braces, screws and stabilizing bars that are rotted nearly beyond recognition. Just don’t move or shake the thing up too much and the burners should stay in place. Huh? 

  Hey, is a grill supposed to have a bottom?????

  Several days later, H cleaned up the base panel. You know, the place where the propane tank and accessories are stored. Turns out it, too, is stainless. Silly me. I thought it was supposed to be black. Who knew..

  • 5:13 PM
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