July 11, 2008
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Dealing With Dad
I'm sitting here thinking, "Wow, I've missed the last two photo challenges!" Sad thing is, I know that I will probably miss this one too. In fact I've finally noticed that I have not posted very much either. An occasional pulse and one valiant attempt at a memory story is not what I call regular posting.
Truth is I have been reeling from some very disturbing news that I received just about two weeks ago. I haven't even shared this news with my children much less close friends and definitely not casual acquaintances. This Sunday I will have to be with my father when he, too, will finally learn this news. I worry for him on many levels. One is that he does not take bad news well. It's not matter of temper control but the fact that strong emotion of any type can provoke a physical reaction that in and of itself is highly dangerous for him. Frankly, this could be seriously life threatening for him. So, of course, this concerns me greatly. Secondly this news is to be delivered by phone and not in person (unavoidable). I have arranged for Sister Six to be with me at dad's when this phone call comes. This should be a comfort for me but I still feel unsettled. Sister Six and I are soul mates on a level that transcends friendship or sisterhood. You should understand that there is a fourteen year age difference between us. So we have few "growing" up memories in common. By the time she was two I was headed for an institution of higher learning and by the time she was five I was married and happily engaged in the continuance of the species. Result; both my children are closer in age to her than we are to each other. They, and not I, were her siblings in a very true sense. Yet Sister Six and I have connected on a level that borders on the mystic. We communicate wordlessly, clearly, concisely, and with accuracy that astounds the rest of the family. We were clones before the concept of cloning became believable. lol We are also considered the stoic members in our family. However, we also share a deeper level of wry humor and all the pleasure that can bring. We are emotional ninjas. It's all there; you just don't have the privilege of seeing our deeper selves. So, for whatever that's worth, Sister Six and I will be there with dad on Sunday.
My concern is heightened by the fact that Saturday is the anniversary of my mother's passing. It has been eight years and dad has now remarried. But ... the bond that 50 years forged is not so easily broken. My father's wife, it is still difficult for me to say stepmother, doesn't seem to mind living with the "ghost" of the memory of my mother so near. Some days I mind the she doesn't mind, very much. But that is another matter altogether best left unsaid. Hopefully, he will not allow himself to become too overwrought. He tends to make mountains out of molehills. It is not that the news itself is devastating but that he will take the bare facts and mould them into an elaborate and garish misrepresentation of facts "gone wild" and pursued to the most outlandish, bizarre and improbable ending as possible. Simply stated, he will take what 'is' and morph it to the worse 'could be' resulting in complete emotional failure. And there is no way to circumvent this scenario. A series of small, seemingly impotent strokes, have left him outwardly unchanged but internally brain damaged in the area of emotional control. It will take a lot of situational awareness on his part in order to stop his brain train from crashing. (And meds... oh please God; let him have taken his meds!) The plan is for Sister Six to ensure that he takes his meds and I will be there to direct his thought patterns. We hope to be successful.
I will mention today that tomorrow's post was written two months ago for Mother's Day and deals with my thoughts on my mother's death.
Comments (14)
It's never easy to break bad news to someone. May God give you courage and wisdom in the telling; and may he give your dad strength to hear it.
I will be praying that God will be with you and your father as you share whatever this news is that you must share.
I wish you the best with your dad...
I only ever had one such burden to carry, I called my oldest sister bearing news of our youngest sister terrible accident,(she was still living then) and she cryed so hard for 10 min. she was not able to tell her husband what happened. After waiting I called again, only to have to explain to her husband becuase she could not yet say through her tears what she knew was happening....her sister was dying and she was 3,000 miles away...no goodbye was possible.....
@Over_my_coffee_cup - My heart breaks for yours. My news is not so terrible, but bad enough to be able to cause my dad a potential crisis if he overreacts because of past memories.
Past memories...umm...I do hope for his sake, and yours, he will not overreact! Prayers.....
@Over_my_coffee_cup - Thank you from the bottom of my heart for you concern and prayers
It is quite a new world, when we start parently our parents. We are in process of taking care of my Dad now, he's 86, and some of it is 'fun', as my sister is in charge of his checkbook and he 'asks permisison' about spending money. Other parts, not so fun. But he's more interesting now, especially since he is in assisted living, rather than living on his own. Good luck with your situation
@Momizzle18 - Thank you for your concern. Dad is going to be 80 and is as cantankerous as ever. I would hate to have to say no to him directly and then try to make it stick. Tough old bird.
I come from a family of 5, 2 girls and 3 brothers. When my father was diagnosed with Alzheimers, only my sister and I were there to let my father know that he could no longer live in his home. It was very hard, lots and lots of tears. Like you my mom had passed away 5 years before this and we were so afraid of how all would work out. Well…all you can do is put it in God’s hands and know that he is all-knowing. I too will keep you in my prayers.
@WomanBlogger - I can appreciate how difficult it was to tell your father. My H's mom also suffered from Alzheimers and the slow decline was painful for all. I hope your father has peace in his new home. Thank you for your kind words.
u will be in our prayers here in victorville cal gbu in all that happens when u and sis go see your dad sunday
You are in the midst of a valley that I am just entering. Stay close to your sisters, that is a tremendous assest.
@ElevenStones - My thoughts are with you. I have a bunch of siblings and that helps. I'm not sure what the nature of your valley is but it is better to travel it with someone who is close to you. My dad is less and less the father I grew up with. My difficulty lies in the fact that I, as the eldest sibling, left home while my father was in the prime of his life. My younger siblings were home when he began his decline. My mom was the glue that kept his naturally volitle personalily together. Since her passing eight years ago the decline has noticeably deepened.
Popped over to your site to say thanks for stopping by mine and I can see now it will require a return visit. Your writing is very compelling. I am sorry that you have had some difficult things to deal with recently, and hope that the writing about it here has been helpful. I know at times writing has been therapeutic for me.
I, too, come from a family of many sisters. Five of us, altogether. And one brother, smack dab in the middle of us girls. And I ended up raising a family of five boys, something I never in my wildest dreams imagined for my future, but sometimes what real life gives us is even better than our wildest dreams.
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