June 27, 2008

• Gnomes Now!

  For the last two years, items in my home have gone mysteriously missing. Sometimes it is only a matter of a few feet. Other times there has been a room to room transfer and other times the stuff has gone on holiday into an alternate universe.

  The first time or two, I blamed myself for being scatter brained. The next few times I pointed my finger at H. “Meddling again?” I would ask. “Me?” I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. It’s your “Com se yama” (loosely translated, “what’s it”).” No, that’s not Spanish. I know how to spell in Spanish. This is as close as I can get to the Italian dialect of his forefathers. You really don’t want to know the rest! Well, maybe one more…. H will use a phase that loosely translates to, “shut the window”, whenever something is done and over. For example, stw, it’s time to go. Or, stw, enough already with the yapping! Anyways, stw, I have to get back to my story.

  Missing items… At first the objects were small easily moved and left out in the open. Then I began to notice a progression. The MIA’s were getting larger and traveling further. H began to sit up and take notice when some of his things began evaporating into the ozone. Finally, stuff began wending itself into drawers and closets and more secluded areas of confinement. Gnomes now!

  Now this was a mystery for one and a rather annoying bother for two. I was beginning to question myself. Dementia is not one of those old age things that show up on either side of my family. Clarity of mind remains well into the eighties with the ancestors. So why was I all of a sudden having brain f*rts?

  Then one sunny afternoon, g’son (then 3 yrs old) asks, “Where is your “such and such”? “Don’t know, Joseph,” I said. I’d been looking for such and such all week and had finally resorted to repurchasing a replacement. Moments later a giggling imp handed me my such and such only it wasn’t the new one… it was the original. Scamp had hidden it. My Gnome had a Gname.

  It’s become a game and a ritual, hide and seek of a higher order. He hides. I seek. And seek. And seek. Sometimes I find my MIA’s fairly quickly. Most times g’ma is reduced to the phone retrieval plan. “Hi, can I speak to Joseph?” The response can go several ways depending on how cleaver my little imp imagines himself to be. I have not yet figured out his rating system. Some calls will illicit a simple, “Yeah, g’ma, it’s in the pantry”. Others will be prefaced with a round of giggling and a “Did you look…?”  Still others will send the kid ROFL for the next 10 minutes while I wait and he basks in the glow of his ingenuity.

  We’re going camping this weekend. Nearly have everything I need collected, sorted, and packed into the pop-up. Except… my battery operated air pump for the blow up mattress is “Missing In Action”.

  Got to stw… Time to ring up the Gnome.

   

  • 7:56 AM
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